Sunday, 1 March 2015

Session II.21 – Parental Advisory. Explicit Content. May Contain Succubi. (YES, PLEASE!!!)

My players are the luckiest bastards in the world. Why? Well, because they have an awesome DM! And no "perception" check or "sense motive" will tell you otherwise.
Last session made it quite clear that if the baby the succubus is carrying is given birth, everything will drastically change in the campaign. I expected some moral discussion among the players, but I was pretty sure that in the end they would end up killing the demon-mommy and the demon-baby. It would only be a matter of "how" and "when"...

You should never interrupt your nemesis when he's in the middle of "doing the hanky-panky"
Being the succubus resting in McKymera Castle, one of two approaches was to be expected: the party could decide to go through the front door and try to expose the situation (although a highly unlikely scenario, the paladin could insist on doing that), or they could infiltrate the walls via stealth and invisibility.
They could have used scry on the target, placed themselves invisible, and teleport to the location, catching the enemies by surprise. But they are great guys, and they know I hate that kind of thing because it ruins any roleplay attempt.
So, when they announced "we're going to teleport to some small bedchambers inside the castle, not usually occupied"... The Evil Bastard in me knew that something special had to happen!
Taurus McKymera is known to be a boisterous Conan-like guy that enjoys having concubines satiate his XXX desires. Therefore, when Thorkron triggered the teleport, the party surprised Taurus in the middle of… THE HANKY-PANKY TIME!
Yup... nothing beats EPIC as having your nemesis flee along the castle dressed only in his moustache and goatie!

Copycat, copycat, copy-copy-copy, copycat
Like a Magician, a Dungeon Master isn't supposed to reveal his secrets. But, since I'm not getting paid to do this... I'M GONNA TELL YOU EVERYTHING!
Among the enemies I had prepared for the clash with the party was Antares, whose origins are linked to a background idea from one of the players (although with a few twists). I didn't want the battle to be a single scene with the group versus ten thousand stat blocks, so I had no idea when Antares (a lesser demon) would make its premiere. I wanted to stall the group a little bit (to give Taurus enough time to get properly dressed), so I threw the demon I had picked to portray Antares, a Kalavakus, from Pathfinder Bestiary 2. Needless to say that, when you have a fucking PA-LA-DIN in the group, you don't pick the enemies reasonably... YOU GO STRAIGHT FOR THE BIGGEST MUTHAFUCKING MONSTER IN THE BOOK AND MULTIPLY ITS HIT POINTS BY A GAZILLION! AND THEN ADD 25% MORE!
The thrice-damned paladin goes for 240 damage in a single round, and my jaw drops... Ok, think fast: how do you go from complete fail to total awesome in 10 seconds? Well, you keep the demon's head talking after being severed, laughing maniacally, and announcing that "Antares is like the hydra: cut one head and two more appear". And - PUFF! - there you have two more identical copies of the demon walking on air!
Nevermind that... the bastard paladin just goes for another 230+ damage round.
I REALLY am going to banish paladins from play FOREVER!
At least it was an unexpected turn of events, resulting in a good scene, and the name Antares now has an ubber demonic aura around it.
I just need to open the book and choose a CR20 baddie to throw at the paladin next session...
Humm… maybe I’ll prepare two baddies, just in case…
The hunt for the succubus continues next session!

P.S. I REALLY hate paladins...

Session Chronicle and Epilogue (Portuguese): link

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